Yet Another Club I Never Wanted to Join

To make a long story short, I have hypothyroidism. Only for real.

As you may recall,  I was put on levothyroxine while TTC because my TSH levels were high– within normal ranges, but a little too high for fertility purposes. I stayed on it during pregnancy for similar reasons. When you keep in mind the cornucopia of drugs I had to take to get pregnant, this seemed relatively minor.
Because I am overextended, I’ve not refilled my prescription for a month. (I know, I know…) I had my physical yesterday, and my blood work came back with real high TSH levels.
Of course, I googled. You’d think I would have learned that this is never a good idea.
Inline image 1

This is why you shouldn’t google

I’m going to be old, fat, depressed, and exhausted. Forever.
So called “support” groups tell me that I will never be the same, and I may end up living in my car because I’ll be so exhausted I can’t keep a job. I will die alone in a shanty. (Which, it should be noted, was a big fear of mine when I was sans baby. ALL PATHS LEAD TO DYING IN A SHANTY!)
Okay, okay… perhaps I am being a little dramatic. It seems like I can keep this under control with medication. Which I will have to take for the rest of my life.
In the scheme of things, I realize this isn’t the absolute worst thing that could happen… But then I think “I have a chronic disease. I have a DISEASE. What the actual f@ck?!”
Also, this could be why I was such a shit show a few weeks ago. You know… hormones kind make you crazy.
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11 comments

  1. My Perfect Breakdown · August 9

    Awe this sucks! I’ve had hypothyroidism since 2009 and honestly I just pop my pills in the morning and it doesn’t impact my life. (With one exception when my levels changed and we had to figure out a new dose). So I figure in the scheme of life and possible ailments hypothyroidism isn’t that bad.

    • thecommonostrich · August 9

      And you aren’t living alone in a shanty! Why you appear to be a functioning member of society. Sigh… I think I’m just tired of feeling broken.

  2. Molly · August 9

    It’s a shock–give yourself some time to process. My mom had her thyroid removed several years ago (hyperthyroid) and she has to pop her pills every day, but she’s still a highly functioning member of society. One who helped us pay for fertility treatments, in fact. No living alone in a shanty for her!

    • thecommonostrich · August 16

      Totally right- Now that I’ve processed, I’m just tossing this in the “FML” pile and moving on. And taking my meds like an actual grown up. I’ve also learned how many people I know (or know someone) with this, and that makes me feel a little better. Your mom is my inspiration. 😉

  3. jen.g · August 10

    I have had it for about 10 years. Just take the pill every day (annoying) and you will be fine! You will not die in a shanty lol

    • thecommonostrich · August 16

      See? You’re not camped out in cars in front of emergency rooms because you think you’re about to die! (Not kidding- I read this in one of these so called “support” group forums.) My brain just goes to the worst case scenario, i.e. Shantytown. Now that I’ve had some distance from the diagnosis, I’m a smidge less crazy.

  4. labmonkeyftw · August 10

    Oh boo, I am sorry. As others have said, this is a relatively easy thing to control, and not tooooo invasive in your day. Plus evening out a wonky thyroid can be truly amazing in what peripheral issues it solves. Perhaps this diagnosis, though daunting, will prove a valuable step forward with some of the troubles you’ve been having.

    • thecommonostrich · August 16

      Again, you are the voice of rational thinking in the middle of my emotional vomit. Thanks for that, for the billionth time.

      And I’m happy to report that you’re right– just one week of taking my meds regularly, and I’m less bone-crushingly tired. One peripheral issue down, so many more to go.

      • labmonkeyftw · August 16

        I am glad you are feeling a bit better. Seriously, the list of random side effects of a wonky thyroid is near endless. I am very hopeful you will find this a positive step, even if it is a diagnosis.

  5. A. · August 10

    Oh man, methinks that, if not for infertility making one feel broken and inadequate, these other issues would feel less likely to lead to the shantytown (I admit that your image is making me lol a little) so maybe a little breather to recognize from whence it comes so you can tackle the daily pill from a more centered place. I have faith, xo

    • thecommonostrich · August 16

      I have thought about this a ton lately- the bullshit of infertility has made me very “unresilient.” I didn’t used to be quite so shaken. Looking back on it, I think my fear was that this was yet another thing that would erode my sense of who I am, like infertility did. With a week of perspective, I can say it doesn’t. I’m not that loony.

      Not yet, anyway.

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