I have 10 minutes until my next meeting, which is the perfect time to shoot off a post. Right? Amiright?
I have been wanting to write a post for ages, because well… I’ve been thinking. What brought on this thinking, you ask? The bizarre decision to take a 10 month old to Amsterdam.
Yes, I did that. And the flight was fine. The trip, however, was disastrous.
Perhaps it was a magical combination of teething, a serious case of Mama-Fever, and a new place, but Chick was fairly miserable and would only be happy if he was physically on me at ALL TIMES. It also happened to be unseasonably cold and rainy. So I was cold and caring for a fussy baby for 6 days which is how the sucking of this vacation began. Then there was that time my breast pump broke on a national holiday. That was fuuuun.
But since I have only 10 minutes, I’ll cut to the chase.
It sounds a little ungrateful to say that one’s vacation in Amsterdam sucked because I decided to bring a 10 month old. But there it is. Mr. O and I have traveled a fair amount, many times in Europe and elsewhere. You know what? We’re excellent travelers. Our baby just threw a wrench in the works which made the trip exponentially less fun. No more dinners in little bistros. No more wine while watching the sunset.
This next bit I can’t believe I’m going to share publicly. But this is my goddamn anonymous blog, and I’ll do what I want to. On this trip, I did think “Dear god, what have I done?” in regards to my hard-won baby. For reals. I could see, for the first time, what I had given up– aforementioned meals in bistros and wine at sunset. And I gave that up in favor of a 20 pound clingy, crying weirdo.
Yes, yes… I know. Someday that 20 pound clingy, crying weirdo will grow up and things won’t be so “hard.” But I’m no fool. It will still be hard, just in new and exciting ways I can’t predict.
And my 10 minutes is up, so I’ll leave you with this…
For the first time since Chick was born, I’ve found myself looking back longingly at the life I used to have.
For the first time ever as a committed and adventurous traveler, I wish I had stayed home.