Signs Your Baby May Be Eating Your Brain

Forget All the ThingsBefore I was pregnant, I heard about this thing called “Pregnancy Brain.” Basically, you get pregnant and become an idiot. Though I didn’t think it was implausible, I also didn’t quite believe it. Stretch marks, I get. Nausea? Fine. (Well, not fine, but at least understandable.) But how in the name of the Holy Roman Empire can the fact that you are having a baby affect your memory or common sense?

I’m here to set the record straight. It’s real. It’s really, really real.

So far here are some things I’m chalking up to Pregnancy Brain:

  • I threw trash (think gum wrappers and receipts) into the sink, and could not understand what was wrong with that. At all.
  • It took me 45 minutes to make a meal that normally takes me 20 because I couldn’t find anything in my own kitchen. Where’s the pasta strainer? No, really… where in the hell is the pasta strainer?!What things
  • I tried to pay for something in the grocery store with my subway card. Repeatedly.
  • Conversely, I also tried to use my credit card to get on the bus.
  • I had dinner with someone I’ve known for 2 years, sat across the table from him, and couldn’t remember his name for about 15 minutes. I know I know this guy… Eddie? Aaron?
  • I washed my hair with shower gel.
  • I’ve bought at least two packages for Chick (clothes, bedding, etc.) and not remembered until they’ve arrived at my house. Even then, I’m genuinely surprised by what I purchased or why. (Thankfully, Pregnancy Brain has left my excellent taste intact.)
  • It took me 10 minutes to get out of a parking garage because I missed the exit. Twice. It was like Groundhog Day only trapped in concrete.
  • I ran a stop sign whilst doing Kegels. True story.

I’ve also heard this doesn’t really ever get better. Once out to the womb, these darling little cherubs continue to wreak havoc on … well, everything. Now I seem to have forgotten why this whole having a baby thing was such a hot idea…

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5 comments

  1. My Perfect Breakdown · June 3, 2015

    Thanks for giving me a reason to laugh this morning! I hope you find your memory again soon! 🙂

  2. Molly · June 3, 2015

    I feel you. A few weeks ago, I pulled a bag of ice out of the freezer because I wanted a glass of ice water. The next morning my wife yells from the kitchen, “Honey, did you put a bag of ice in the refrigerator?!” There was water all over the fridge plus one empty plastic ice bag. Whoops.

  3. positivelypeachie · June 3, 2015

    Hehehe thanks for the chuckle. My sister gets baby brain so badly… one day she was at the grocery store with her oldest while she was pregnant with her second and she actually returned the cart to the covered shelter without removing any groceries or her purse and drove away. She realized when her toddler said “mommy, food?” that she had forgotten it all. Thankfully a nice lady had seen it happen and was waiting with her stuff when she got back to the cart shelter so nothing was stolen…not that it would matter because I doubt she could remember what she bought anyway, LOL.

  4. JC · June 5, 2015

    Thank you for this! In addition to giving me a badly needed laugh, you’ve made me realize I should be grateful I was on bed rest for most of my pregnancy–it limited the number of things I could screw up while my brain was dribbling out my ear.

  5. bionicbrooklynite · June 8, 2015

    Oh, man. With kid one, I was teaching writing while functionally illiterate. (With kid two, I suspect I may have been just as dumb, but the whole suddenly dead mom thing rendered the question pointless.). I did eventually get mostly smart again, I think. Or maybe just too dumb to care.

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