Before I was pregnant, I heard about this thing called “Pregnancy Brain.” Basically, you get pregnant and become an idiot. Though I didn’t think it was implausible, I also didn’t quite believe it. Stretch marks, I get. Nausea? Fine. (Well, not fine, but at least understandable.) But how in the name of the Holy Roman Empire can the fact that you are having a baby affect your memory or common sense?
I’m here to set the record straight. It’s real. It’s really, really real.
So far here are some things I’m chalking up to Pregnancy Brain:
- I threw trash (think gum wrappers and receipts) into the sink, and could not understand what was wrong with that. At all.
- It took me 45 minutes to make a meal that normally takes me 20 because I couldn’t find anything in my own kitchen. Where’s the pasta strainer? No, really… where in the hell is the pasta strainer?!
- I tried to pay for something in the grocery store with my subway card. Repeatedly.
- Conversely, I also tried to use my credit card to get on the bus.
- I had dinner with someone I’ve known for 2 years, sat across the table from him, and couldn’t remember his name for about 15 minutes. I know I know this guy… Eddie? Aaron?
- I washed my hair with shower gel.
- I’ve bought at least two packages for Chick (clothes, bedding, etc.) and not remembered until they’ve arrived at my house. Even then, I’m genuinely surprised by what I purchased or why. (Thankfully, Pregnancy Brain has left my excellent taste intact.)
- It took me 10 minutes to get out of a parking garage because I missed the exit. Twice. It was like Groundhog Day only trapped in concrete.
- I ran a stop sign whilst doing Kegels. True story.
I’ve also heard this doesn’t really ever get better. Once out to the womb, these darling little cherubs continue to wreak havoc on … well, everything. Now I seem to have forgotten why this whole having a baby thing was such a hot idea…