I’ve been struggling a little bit with the idea of being “happy” during my pregnancy. I would never want someone to think I wasn’t happy about it– good golly, I did enough to get here. But I’ve been a little bit disappointed I haven’t been that crazed, over-the-moon, pregnant lady I envisioned at the beginning of all this.
Maybe it is because infertility is a total shit show. I feel as though I can’t trust anything. Unless Chick is moving at this VERY MOMENT, I have a tiny wave of panic that something is wrong.
Maybe it is because my mom died in the middle of my first trimester. I’m still feel that loss so acutely every day. The joy of being pregnant is tempered by the fact that my mom is gone, and Chick will never know her.
“I think I have I.V.F. PTSD.”
This comes from today’s reading selection, “After IVF: Pregnant, but Still Stuck in the Past”. This blog from the New York Times gets at about half of what I’m feeling, and probably resonates with so many of you.
Thanks to Hound Mamas for sharing!