UPDATE: Letter to Robin

Some of you may recall that I was debating how I would tell a coworker about my pregnancy. Robin and his wife had just experienced a miscarriage late in their pregnancy. This is that note. Short, and hopefully sweet. 


I wanted to tell you before word gets out publicly- I am pregnant. While this is is exciting for me and my husband, it comes at a difficult time for me personally. As you may be aware, my mother passed away in January so my feelings are complicated, ranging from happiness to sadness on any given day (or hour.)

This news also comes at a very difficult time for you. I was so sad to hear about your own loss. Though not the same as yours, my recent experience has made me realize that there are no words for this sorrow. None. So I will not offer any platitudes, only to say that this is the hardest thing.

With this in mind, I respect any and all reactions you have to my increasingly pregnant self. Though we are not terribly close, I know you to be a kind-hearted person so I won’t be upset or offended by anything you do. You are not one to act out of malice, but may need to exercise some self preservation. Please take care of yourself, and know that I am here for you regardless.

My very best,



Robin responded to my letter with the most generous email I could have expected. An excerpt:

I am truly and entirely happy for you!  The joys and challenges of parenthood are something I looked forward to for years, decades really.  Having my first child keeps me focused on the present moment and keeps my priorities straight.  And, as you say, taking care of myself is one of those priorities.

Maybe it is the baby hormones, but his note has me crying like a maniac. In a good way, I swear.



  1. vtr87 · February 23, 2015

    beautifully, beautifully written.

    • thecommonostrich · February 24, 2015

      Thank you- I spent AGES writing it. I wanted to get it “right” then I realized that act of writing it at all was the most important thing.

  2. My Perfect Breakdown · February 23, 2015

    I think it is perfect. The notes I used to get were more like “just a heads up, x is pregnant” – I think you went more then the extra mile, and I hope he appreciates your efforts and caring.

    • thecommonostrich · February 24, 2015

      Thanks! Given that I’ve spent the past year+ reading and writing blogs about this sort of stuff, I really wanted to get it right. And I’ve had a lot of examples of what not to say or do. 😉

  3. InfertileGirl · February 23, 2015

    This is really thoughtful, and I’m certain he will appreciate this (and realise the effort you put into your words).

    • thecommonostrich · February 24, 2015

      Oh, the effort! The brevity of the note does not reflect the amount of time I put in, that is for sure.

      • InfertileGirl · February 24, 2015

        I can only imagine. I agonize over every email I send no matter how trivial. This would have been a massive effort.

  4. julieann081 · February 24, 2015

    This is so lovely. ❤

    • thecommonostrich · February 24, 2015

      Thanks! I just kept thinking what I would have wanted someone to say to me. Then I wrote a 5 page essay. Then I cut it down, A LOT.

  5. Pingback: Sadness, revisited | the ostrich

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