To make a long and painful story short, Incompetence denied the request to go through the lab for the Panorama test. I will spare you the gory details, and summarize:
My doctor’s office says that there is one lab (Natera) that does this test. Nope, no one else.
My insurance says their preferred lab does the test too, so won’t accept Natera.
They are incorrect, but I’m fairly certain they have yet to update their files to reflect the change. This, sadly, has happened two other times, resulting in delays in treatment.
Sigh… This left me with only one Downs screening option and exactly two days to do it in. This screen, consisting of an ultrasound and blood work, has to be done between 11 weeks and 13 weeks 6 days. Today I am 13 weeks 5 days. If ever there was a reason to utter the phrase “Fuck my life,” now felt like the time.
So I spent the ENTIRE DAY running around signing consent forms and finding the one office that had an opening today for an ultrasound. (Weather in my next of the woods is shit right now, so many offices are closed.) Luckily I was able to get an appointment at 1:30 today– again due to the weather, this office had a cancellation so I could slide right in.
I walked into the office and thanked them profusely for getting me in. I was exhausted, had not showered, and was hungry because I hadn’t eaten anything except some oatmeal I picked up at Starbucks between stops. Not to mention that I was anxious because I was worried that they would tell me there was something less than perfect* about my wee one.
I was, essentially, a train wreck.
And then. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, and then… I saw the little thing that has set up camp in my uterus. It is real. Like, really real. It has hands and feet. Hands! And it waved. (Okay, it was probably passing gas or something, but I prefer to think of it as waving.)
It waved at me. It said “Hi, I’m here.” (Okay, it didn’t saaay anything, but I was having a moment.)
That’s when this whole pregnancy thing became so motherfucking real to me. This is happening. And it is awesome.
As should come as no surprise, there were some oddities. Mostly that it is on the longer side. Depending on which range you use, it is either a wee too long or just right. Baby Ostrich is either right on schedule or 14 weeks 1 day.
I couldn’t figure out why this mattered, so I kept pressing the nurse. She gave me some pat answer, so I made it completely clear. “What I’m asking is there anything I could Google and freak-out about later?” She assured me that no, there was nothing to freak out over. And she is right. I have Googled and there is nothing terribly conclusive about these ranges.
[Aside: This seems weird to me. Different labs use different ranges? Wouldn’t something like baby growth be fairly standard and generally accepted?]
But in case you thought I couldn’t find something to panic about… I learned that I have actually lost weight in my first trimester. Lost weight. Aren’t I supposed to be gaining weight? I suspect this is because I have been backed up a lot, what with the rampaging constipation. To put it bluntly, it is really hard to put food in when it won’t come out. Or maybe it is grief. Because, you know… I’ve heard that can put a damper on one’s appetite.
Again, I find myself wondering if the cause even matters. Ultimately, I need to find a way to get more in my belly.
Barring a natural disaster, I will be heading to California tomorrow. It seems like a delightful way to spend the week wait until I get the results of the blood work back. Not to mention, I hear they have amazing food trucks where I’m headed.
And I could certainly use the sunshine.
*I hesitated to use this word because I don’t think there is anything wrong with people who have Downs or other disabilities. If I am being honest, there is a part of me that would be upset if my child had Downs. Not that I wouldn’t love them or care for them. But every parent wants the easiest road for their child, and I would be disingenuous not to recognize that this was all tumbling in the back of my head in the waiting room.