You Don’t Get to Decide

Depending on who you ask, I married young. Mr. Ostrich and I got married when I was 25 and he was 27.

I was not really into it.

Let me explain. I wasn’t really into other people’s ideas of marriage. Weddings? I am still not into weddings. They are lumped in there with bachelorette parties, baby showers, wedding showers, and all those other weird rites of passage that say more about society than they do the actual person or persons involved.

I survive them by pretending to be Jane Goodall.

Anyway, back to my point…. I had a lot of reservations about getting married. I was turned off by the idea of being anyone’s “wife.” I didn’t like the idea that I would have to take anyone else’s name but my own. I didn’t like the idea of sacrificing one inch of my hard-earned independence. I was only 25, damn it! Weren’t there worlds to conquer and shit?

At some point I was talking about all of this with a friend who was a little older than me. She had been divorced, then remarried 5 years later. When her first marriage fell apart, she swore she’d never marry again. “But then I realized you don’t decided when the good things in your life happen to you.”

And so I married. Even after 10 years, I still feel the same way I did then. I don’t think of myself as anyone’s wife- I think of Mr. Ostrich as the most beautiful best friend any girl could ask for. I never took his last name, and he never asked me to. Yes, I did sacrifice a little bit of independence, but I’ve received so much in return. And now, I have someone to conquer worlds with me, instead of going it alone.

Mr. Ostrich is such a good thing in my life. I didn’t pick when I met him, or when we’d start our life together. When he asked me to marry him, I knew I had to say yes. Because good things don’t come around everyday.

You don’t decide when the good things in your life will happen. I’ve so often used this phrase to convince myself not to be scared of anything new, like a job, project, or any opportunity. You have to take that moment for what it is, and run with it. You have to say yes.

Lately, I’ve come to realize that the inverse is also sorta true. You don’t get to decide when the bad things in your life will happen either. Infertility is no doubt a bad thing. My mother’s freak medical accident is also a very bad thing. I didn’t get to decide when or how these would happen. But I also have to take this moment for what it is. I have to say yes to it, embrace it even. I want to punch it in the face too, but I have to own this.

Oh, my dear sweet readers… I would be lost without this blog as an outlet. Thank you, as always, for listening.



  1. conceptionallychallenged · July 11, 2014

    I love this post.

    • thecommonostrich · July 14, 2014

      Thanks! This whole IF crap is making me take a long look at things. Occasionally, my philosophical rants even make sense!

  2. Haisla · July 13, 2014

    Embracing the moment. I like that. Because really, we only have this one life to live with both the beauty and the beastliness that comes with it. Sometimes nothing else can be done but to embrace. Or punch it in the face, as you said! : )

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